Lemme introduce myself

Hi y'all.
My name is Shaquel, I am 17 years old. I'm not in school, I am working on my G.E.D but if I was in school I would be attending Pleasant Grove High School.
I decided to start a blog to see if it would help with my depression a little bit more. Maybe for the fact that someone might stumble upon it and see that they are going through similar things to me and that they would have someone to talk to and that might be able to help a bit. Or maybe for the feeling of talking to someone and just being able to vent.

Here is a quick summary of my life;
My mom (Staci) and dad (Clayton)had me when they were 19. My mom is a single parent of 4 children: Shaquel (me), Alexus, Jerika, and Adikus.
Alexus, Jerika, and I have the same dad. Adikus visits his dad on the weekends.
My dad is a drug addict and has been in and out of prison and jail since I was born. Totaled up he has been physically in mine and my sisters lives for about 2 1/2 years.
He is currently serving time in Gunnison county prison in Southern Utah until July 2019.
My mom recently lost her job at the beginning of December and is only getting child support from Adikus' dad.

I have never really liked school, it always seemed like a waste of time to me. Constantly sluffed, got suspended a few times and even expelled from school in 9th grade for attempt to distribute and possession.
I am working on quitting smoking. I used to smoke pot and pop pills. April 20, 2013 will be 2 years clean from all non prescribed drugs. I do drink every once in awhile.
In August of 2012 I moved to St. George with my Grandma Annette, then in September of 2012 I moved to Farmington with my Aunt Samantha and Uncle Mitchell. In the second week of January 2013 I moved back in with my Mom. I now no longer have a bedroom and sleep on the couch. It really sucks not having my own personal space anymore.

I have been diagnosed with Chronic Depression.
There have been times I have wanted to take my life. I have attempted suicide 4 times since I was 12.
It sucks. Here is something I posted on Facebook a month or so back:
I'm crying because I know that no matter how hard I try to change, no one will ever really love me. I'd rather just crawl into a hole and die, then have to deal with what has to be dealt with everyday, not sure how much longer I can put up with it. I am sick of not having that special person in my life. I am sick of getting walked all over. I'm sick of feeling like I don't matter. I am sick of being jealous and not being able to do anything about it.  Tired of telling myself tomorrow will be better..what a lie.. /: ill try to explain: i am alone, torn, i am nothing, i am turned down, screaming inside, my soul is on fire, i am numb, lost in all of this. unwanted by all... I just want someone to let me cry and fall apart for a while then help me figure out what to do next. I really need someone to lay next to me with their arms around me, so just for a little bit I can feel as if everything is going to be alright. Have you ever felt so broken down inside, that it hurts to just stand, so you just fall down and when you do you know no ones there to catch you? I'm tired of hearing "everything is just fine" or "it will get better", when obviously it's not fine and it's not getting better! Somewhere along the road, I lost my way, and no one noticed, so I just kept making wrong turns until I ended up where I am now... Barely making it through the day. I wish people would understand depression is an illness not a choice, if it were a choice I don't think anyone would choose to live in their own private hell!
I really hate the feeling I get almost instantly from simply waking up.
At times my depression is easier to handle than others, but I'm making it..